Overcoming the Fear of Being Ordinary - Part I

Young me with the family in Nigeria

Growing up, my dad used to tell us "You are going to be pillars in your generation." So, I grew up always feeling like I was born to do something big! I remember learning about Michael Jackson's desire to be the greatest of all entertainers. He wanted to stand in a league of his own. So did Michael Jordan. Somehow, I saw myself in these two Michaels. I daydreamed about being a Michael Jackson, or a Michael Jordan - but in my own way - not necessarily in music or sports. Suffering from this desire, I've always been obsessed with reading famous people's stories - their journeys, and relishing the underdog story. I get inspired reading that Michael Jordan was not picked to be on his high school basketball team because he wasn't good enough. And that Lady Gaga was told she was "too weird" to make it in the music industry. These stories made me feel like no matter where I started, I could still reach that pinnacle of performance in whatever I put my mind to. That I too could someday be leaving a legacy that stands in it's own league.

But as creative work became more of the norm than the outlier, and social media began to explode over the past 10-15 years, I began to feel like all the legacy-building seats were taken. I felt that when I had an interesting idea, concept, or song, someone else had already executed it! So frustrating. Despite evidence that I was able to influence people's deeply held beliefs and perspectives, the old me - who used to have meaningful online debates and discussions about challenging and complex societal topics - began to shrink. Over time, I started to feel like the world was too negative, too sensitive, too overwhelmed, and too overcrowded with comments, ideas, songs, businesses, podcasts, you name it. I really hated the thought of being one of many. A replicator, instead of an originator.

Over time, I started to feel like the world was too negative, too sensitive, too overwhelmed, and too overcrowded with comments, ideas, songs, businesses, podcasts, you name it. I really hated the thought of being one of many. A replicator, instead of an originator.

My first album release

In 2019, I wrote two articles when I was writing for Medium. In 2020, I wrote nine articles between Medium and my blog (after starting my website in 2020). That same year, I released four music singles. By 2021, I began shifting gears from my writing career as an author, to writing as a musician, releasing four singles in that year and working on my first album/EP that was released in January 2022. I released one more single in 2022, and since then, I've completed less writing and music projects than I did for each year since 2019. I've stopped sharing much of my opinion - for someone self-branded as "Your favorite opinionated doc."

What happened?

I can't deny the impact of life happening - particularly, work life. I got into the busy world of insurance, and later stepped back into full time medicine. But I would be fooling myself if I blamed my work life as the sole reason. Deep inside, I felt like the creative space was overcrowded. When I felt I had something to say, I saw another new podcaster "grab the mic." When I felt my musical journey as a classically trained vocalist, African, and lover of almost all genres was something special, other artists emerged with genre-bending sounds. When I thought I could become an influential thought leader, young eloquent voices began to emerge in politics. When I felt a new perspective would bring a breath of fresh air, the internet reminded me that if my idea wasn't popular, I could be bullied online, trolled, shamed, or my job could be threatened. It seemed as though, every good pathway had been occupied by someone else, or required a risk too high to take. I really hated the thought of being ordinary. Again, a replicator, not an originator. So, I shrank, and shrank, and shrank. Definitely not a Michael!

...since then (2022), I've completed less writing and music projects than I did for each year since 2019.

Unexpectedly, 2025 has brought a heaviness and a feeling of uneasiness to my doorstep. The feeling that time is passing me by, and I'm not creating. Sprinkled in is a sense of unfulfillment. Frustration. Bitterness. Irritability. Unhappiness. Not depressed. Just devoid of meaningful legacy. Have you been there before?

My fear of being ordinary has been stealing my life's meaning and my motivation to create. So much so that, sometimes, I feel my heart pounding from not being completely free to create when I feel the impulse to create. When I watch public conversation, and stay quiet because I feel my voice won't make a difference - it'll just add to the noise. When I have so much to say, but I'm afraid that my voice will land on the ears of closed minds, party liners, left versus right-ers, gender fluid versus gender rigid-ers, and the religious versus non-religious, deepening the ugly divide in our society. To put it in direct terms, my fear of being controversial and/or inconsequential was making me sick because I was not living to my true creative purpose.

So, how am I working my way out of this funky place and writing you this piece you are reading?

Stay tuned for part II on some recent power thoughts that have been changing my perspective.